I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
