I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The air was thick with penises
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
