I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
