u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
