I'm eating all of the evidence.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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