I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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