I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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