She said her name was "party"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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