i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dear god my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
