My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
