I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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