FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
