the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
