I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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