Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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