u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
