OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
