I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
