I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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