When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
