your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
