did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
