I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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