keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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