Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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