The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
