it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
