hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
