Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
