so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
