i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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