Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
