i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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