I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
