He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
