Need sex. Gaining weight.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
