it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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