pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
