wanna go halves on a baby?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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