But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
