i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
