Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
