I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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