And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
