Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
