You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
