Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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