I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
