We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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