Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
