he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
